So, today it has been easy to sit in gratitude, but I am also realizing that I tend to stay above the surface. I am working to delve deeper into my own spirit through these gratitude exercises. I do not want to just create a list; I want to spark the spirit within me that creates and inspires gratitude even in those I meet.
This list will be shorter, but deeper:
I am grateful for my patience. Today, I have felt impatience at technology’s slowness, feeling pulled in multiple directions, and other’s desires. And each time, I could feel my breath begin to get slower as the pressure of unexpressed self mounted inside of me. Then, just as easily, I found myself reminded of the power of pranayama, or the breath. I moved into a space of deep cleansing breaths, and my mood mellowed with those breaths. So, I am grateful for the air that I have been breathing in today. I am grateful because in that air I found a peaceful breath, one that reminded me that the only thing outside of myself that can influence my spirit is that which I give power to. Therefore, I gratefully give power to my breath, and for the patience that led me there.
I am grateful for my sensitivity. Many who do not know me well perceive that I am not sensitive, but I am. [Up until now] I have taken actions, even small ones, and made up whole stories of what the motivations were behind said actions. I wold take a “no,” or “I don’t feel like it but yes” and make up a whole tale in my mind of what I have done for the person in the past, how they are ungrateful and selfish, why they are a reflection of my failures, and on and on. Then, I stop and realize that I am allowing mania to spin me out of control and I pause. I acknowledge that because my love language is acts of kindness, I like it when people WANT to do things for me, therefore, I “catch an attitude” if I perceive that they are begrudging. How egotistical! Now, I have come to the epiphany that I get to be grateful because they committed an act of kindness in spite of the fact that they had other plans for their time. What an awesome turnaround! I am so grateful that I am sensitive enough to realize when others are delving deep into their generosity bank for me.
Since I decided to live in the present, I get to choose how I feel and what stories I make up. I realize that living in my sensitivity does not mean that I have to decide what people’s motivations are. Their motivations are none of my business. Neither is what they think of me, or what they have or have not thanked me for. Besides, someone I love told me that anxiety is living in between the present and the future, so I think I am better off living in the present, don’t you? And at the same time, all I should expect in giving to another, is what I would expect of myself. So I am grateful for my decision to live in the present moment, and to be a giving spirit.
Well, that is my list for today. Have you started your gratitude journal, or at least exercising your gratitude muscle? Take a chance today, and write down what you are grateful for. I bet it will lift your spirits!