Do I really share a lot
Or do I just say that I do? When I am sharing, what is the purpose of the sharing in the first place/ how when where why do I have to be the one to share, Spirit? I think it is remarkable that I have this gift of words, but I need to know so many more words than I do. How do I do that? And what about getting the words out there? How am I going to get THAT done? AND, what about the fact that I am so random it seems? Or, vague and indecisive in my speech? Why do I talk in circles? Why the FUCK can’t I stop thinking about him? This is not an essay about how not to let him get away, he has a folder somewhere, and I am already at peace with the fact that he got away. That is why I don’t write or talk about him. I wanted to love him wholly and completely. But I didn’t so it does not matter.
Or does it? Obviously, I am having a hard time not thinking about him. I really don’t know why either….. I can’t stand that that junk went so badly. I felt extremely hurt by him……. I was out of control so much so that I could not even express to him what was going on.
And it’s not that I am stuck on him, or am I? If I am writing about something, does it mean I am stuck, or moving through. Let me stop bullshitting and move on.
~Excerpt from DayDreams, Night Dreams, On Finding My Piece of Peace